The Privilege and Challenge of Aging

My son called the other day to see how I was doing. 

“Not bad for a middle-aged woman,” I replied.

“I like the way you think, Mom.”

It only took me a second to realize that, in truth, I had passed the middle-aged mark quite some time ago. Believe me, my body and bones know it. But here’s the rub: my mind often forgets. And when it is jolted into reality by a new limitation or diminished ability, my first thought is that I must be doing something “wrong.” Especially living in a country that places so much value on youth, slimness, achievement, and physical agility.

While certainly a privilege, the truth is that growing old is not for sissies. In fact, it can be downright difficult to deal with the many losses which often come as a direct result of the passage of time. We can try to do everything “right,” and still end up taking a fall, getting a daunting diagnosis, needing a joint replacement, suffering from arthritis, or developing vision, hearing, or cognitive impairments.

As the years fly by, we also encounter other challenges as our kids grow up and move out (or don’t!!), our finances change, we move, retire, lose spouses and parents. To say nothing of pandemics, wars, political upheaval, and financial insecurity. Coupled with aging, it can all be too much.

So how do we contend with this privilege of getting older and the challenges it often poses?

The first thing that comes to my mind is that we must stop judging ourselves for our age and stop comparing ourselves to those who don’t appear to have the same issues or limitations. Instead, we can work on accepting the things we cannot change. I’m not suggesting that we simply lie down and resign ourselves to the fact that “I’m getting old!”, but we also don’t have to keep denying or trying to outrun and outmaneuver Father Time. We need to acknowledge and grieve our losses, and then move on. Rather than look upon our glass as being half full or half empty, we can begin considering it as immensely "refillable."

That’s our job as we age. No matter what’s been lost or removed or compromised, we continue to do our healing work and keep on “refilling” our glasses in new, creative, and different ways. We make choices and decisions that align with our interests, rekindle our inner light, and satisfy our spiritual quest while respecting our current abilities. And, most importantly, we stay connected with like-minded and positive people. The more we can do these things, the greater our chances of aging with grace, dignity, and good humor.

Today I came across a wonderful piece by Pope Francis on Being Happy. Some of his words jumped right out at me:

“To be happy is to stop feeling like a victim and become your destiny’s author. It is to cross deserts, yet to be able to find an oasis in the depths of your Soul. It is to thank God every morning for the miracle of life.”